Fruit of the Loom

Ruth finally understood what James had been saying most mornings for a while - "Fruit of the Loom", and was able to find the appropriate brand of underwear for him. At least we know not to buy him any more Haines underwear.
Sensory issues have always been a big part of autism for us. When James came home for the first time after his birth (they held him an extra day because of jaundice), we had him in a "light tent", and we were supposed to put a mask across his eyes before putting him in it and turning on the lights. He didn't like the mask, and regardless of what the books say babies are able to do, he clenched his fists and scraped them up along his head until he got the eye mask off.
We used to call him "Chewy" because he was always chewing on something (gave new meaning to "devouring a book"! ). Even now, he still has a need (or is it just a habit now?) to chew on something.
So, whatever it is about Haines, it isn't a big deal - not the kind of battle Ruth & I choose to fight. He verbalized his wants, and our goal is to reward whatever he does that we want to see more of... Sometimes we have to stop and remind ourselves of that...

Saga of Piggy Boy - Episode 2

I had a feeling this would be back to haunt us. Joy came home today in tears. The boy who'd called her a "Piggy Boy" had said something else, and when Joy objected, told her he wasn't talking to her, he was talking to another kid.
Understanding when someone is talking to her, or about her, is an area where Joy has a lot of difficulty. If she hears it (and she has very keen hearing - when she wants to ), they are obviously talking to her or about her (who ELSE would they be talking about?!) So, she can easily take offense at something totally unrelated to her.
The school already has the boy at the back of the bus, and Joy at the front, so I'm not sure what else they can do. Joy can also be a catastrophizer, so we're not really sure just exactly how upset she really is about the situation.
The communication problems (from no verbal communication to guess-what-they-mean communication) are very difficult - for both Joy & us.
So, Ruth suggested that Joy just ignore the boy, and gave her some positive suggestions on what "to ignore" meant.
Guess we'll see...

Introducing Ruth

Ruth's parents took her, as a 7 month-old baby, to Liberia, West Africa on a freighter. She grew up in a house across the "road" from the Atlantic Ocean. Her brother Harold was born several years later, but there were problems with the pregnancy, and with the birth. Fortunately, both her mother and Harold survived. But Harold showed delayed development. After many medical tests, he was diagnosed as having brain damage with autistic-like symptoms. As U.S. citizens, Ruth's parents were required to return to the U.S. for at least one year  of every five. Upon determining that they could not get the services they needed for Harold in Liberia, they decided to move back to the U.S. So, at age 12, Ruth came to the U.S. with her parents, and learned they were not going (to her) "home", but were going to stay. After a difficult adjustment to U.S. culture, she finished high school and went on to college. After finishing college, she stayed on to work in the area of Financial Aid. Some years later, she met me - also working at the college. We married and about 10 months later, we moved to Indiana for her to take the job of Director of Financial Aid at a local college. Shortly later, our first son was born - David. 18 months later, James was born. Nearly three years later, Joy joined our family. Ruth moved to a different college in the same position, and when Joy was just over a year old, left academia to work as co-director of a child care ministry. Many years later, she left the child care ministry and became a full-time stay at home mom, as well as working part time with Creative Memories. Obviously, there is a lot more to her story, but it is one of the high privileges of my life to have known this wonderful lady, and there are no words to describe the honor of her being my wife.

Saga of Piggy Boy - Episode 1

Joy came home tonight all upset because some boy on the bus had called her a "piggy boy". Now, you have to understand that she is very serious about what she is called - not necessarily because her feelings are hurt, but because it isn't right. Things must be right, you know. It is important!
So, Ruth caught her before she went into sobs (told her not to cry - that's a whole 'nother post), and asked her if she goes "oink oink". Joy replies "No." Ruth asked her if she was a boy. Joy said, "No! I'm a young lady!" (Now she is in her late teens, we've been telling her that she isn't a little girl anymore - that she's a young lady. Somehow the little has been dropped, and she's always a "young lady"). "Then, " Ruth says, "you can't be a piggy boy. Anyone who says you are is either wrong, or has something wrong in their head."
Joy pipes up and says, "Yes! He gives me a headache!"
But she was still looking sad, so Ruth suggests that if someone is so wrong, they must be a "Loser!", and held up her hand to her forward showing an L. Joy thought that was about the funniest thing she'd heard, so she tried to make the L sign herself, putting her hand next to her head, on top of her head. After some gentle guidance she got it on the forehead. Now she can't wait to go to school tomorrow to tell the boy he's a Loser. Sigh. Guess we'll need to send an e-mail to Joy's teacher to give her a "heads-up" on what is happening and why...
I'm putting an Episode 1 after the title because I just have a feeling that there will be more to this story...

I'm Fine!

Last night, James was lying on the couch, and when Ruth walked in, he said, "I'm fine!" It has just been the past few years he's been able to respond to familiar yes - no questions. Now he comes up with an appropriate statement without prompting! Miracles continue...
Of course, when I walked into the room, he said, "Please forgive me..." Kind-of made me nervous, and wonder what he'd done that needed forgiveness. I haven't seen anything so far. Maybe he was referring to the Thomas the Tank Engine coach he "borrowed". Maybe he was just quoting a routine that I'm not familiar with. Have to keep this in mind - it'll probably resurface some day!

Ebony was sick today!

Joy told Ruth 'Ebony was sick today! She missed school. She left me all alone." (This was without prompting!)
This from the little girl (not so little now) that we wondered if she would ever speak! So thankful for the precious gifts our children have been given.

Some days more autistic than others...

This morning was a beaut! For some reason James has developed this little routine where when he hears his sister coming down the stairs in the morning to get ready for school, he runs into the downstairs bathroom and roosts. When Ruth insisted that he get out so Joy could get ready, we had a squealing, fist hitting the wall outburst. The lack of communication is what is so hard. Fortunately the two didn't go into a "death spiral", and both got off to school in fairly good moods. Good morning! It's Monday...

A Trip to the Zoo

Today, we went to the zoo. Ruth has been having lots of pain in her hips, ankles, knees, so it was an adventure in pain for her. James & Joy were eager to go. Normally, James spends all day Sunday in our bed, listening to the radio. Joy loves to just stay home. But there was no trouble getting them dressed and out of the house for a trip to the zoo. The zoo closes at 5 PM (they'll let you wander until 6), and since we got there after 4 didn't have a lot of time (I can hear all those with autistic children going "uh-oh"). So, we warned them we would only have time to do the Africa section. (For them, the zoo is the rides - the boats, the train, the carousal, the aerial tram, and only the aerial tram is in the Africa area.)
They were great - very patient with Ruth as she had to rest frequently. We got to ride the aerial tram, see the lions, the zebra, the giraffe, and drum on the drums. By the time we got through the Africa section, it was 5:58. James was then ready to ride the carousel (saw it coming, didn't you). Ruth was calculating the distance to the exit to see if she could make it that far. James started to whine and ask for the boats, the train, the farm, the carousel. We told him - they're closed. Maybe we'll come back another day and do those things. Reluctantly, he got in the van. All the way to the restaurant, he continued fussing. Then, Joy piped up that she wasn't hungry, and just wanted to go home.
In earlier days, this would have been a recipe for disaster. But, we went into the restaurant, and had dinner. I am so proud of James & Joy - they were able to move on from what they wanted, and to adapt and enjoy what was happening instead. It was a good day, and we had a great time together.

You clepto you!

James, our middle son, has autism and is now 20 years old - how the time flies! We attended an open house at Sensory Critters this afternoon - Bob & Lisa Compton are wonderful folks, and they've started up an ABA Clinic in areas next to their store. I noticed James emerge from one of the therapy rooms with a Thomas the Tank Engine coach. (Yes, at 20, he's still into Thomas & friends). I told him he had to put it back. After a while, I noticed he didn't have the coach in his hands, so I figured he'd either set it down or put it back. After our visit, we went to IHOP for dinner, and then home. On the way in the house, out from his shorts pocket, James pulled the coach. Now we have another reason to go see Bob & Lisa...